It’s Monday. Deadlines are coming up fast. Of course, today is the day that your coworker decides to change a very important detail on that project. Oh yeah, and that coworker that most certainly is not your boss, well, she has some very important feedback on your last report. UGH. We’ve all been there. Or are there right now. The good news, so has the Lord. In fact, He gave us some really helpful advice to get by in moments like these. Let’s look into what the Bible says about a special type of personal conflict known as offense.
Solomon’s advice
Let’s start with Proverbs. Proverbs is a super quotable, fun-facts, trivia type of book. It doesn’t contain any stories, history, or parables, just tiny snippets of wisdom. Solomon was known as the wisest man to have ever lived. While he maintained a number of vices, and experienced what appears to be a season of depression (ignorance may sometimes actually be bliss), we can consider these proverbs as gold for our lives.
“A person’s wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense.” (Proverbs 19:11). Many proverbs speak of one who is wise…and one who is not. Another proverb states, “Fools show their annoyance at once, but the prudent overlook an insult.” (Proverbs 12:16). We all want to be that wise person, not the foolish one with no self control or long term vision. It takes so much strength to overlook an offense. It shows confidence. We have strength in the Lord, and our confidence is in the Lord. Let’s show the evidence of these things in our lives.
“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” (Proverbs 15:1). Have you ever reacted quickly to an offense and regretted it? What would you give to take those words back? Unfortunately, we can never erase words once they leave our lips. So we must be very careful. Remember the times that you chose to respond gently, with grace and humor, it went better right? Maybe that other person cooled down, maybe they didn’t, but at least you didn’t make the situation worse. You could be proud of your behavior, maturity, and character!
Jesus’ Wisdom
Jesus spoke on personal conflict quite a bit. He taught that “Love your neighbor as yourself” (Mark 12:31) is the second most important commandment (after loving God, of course). The golden rule, “do to others what you would have them do to you,” Jesus coined it! (Matthew 7:12) He said that these “sum up the Law and the Prophets.” Thousands of years of the Word of God. So yes…we have to be nice to each other. Notice how it doesn’t say, “people will do what you do to them.” There are no guarantees that you will get awesome treatment if you are kind. But we are doing this for God, and we have an eternal mindset. So we can do it.
“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.” (Matthew 5:9). Who wants to be called a child of God? (raises hand)! I think we all do. I attended a small, Christian high school. For our graduation, the teachers and staff chose a word that represented each student, their best-self. Something like, strength, kindness, intelligence, etc. I remember that my word was peace. It was somewhat unexpected for me, I hadn’t really thought of it as a particular tenant of my identity. But then I looked back on my four years.
On one occasion, the girls on my cheerleading squad became divided, we had to split the team in two. I was on both teams, and eventually brought the two back together. Were there things that I was upset about, offended over? Sure. But I loved us as a group. We were better together. I shut down one of our social studies classes and demanded that we work it out. Tears were shed, friendships were mended. I was a child then, innocent, a little naïve I’m sure, maybe even slightly delusional haha. But that is the peacemaker that I want to be again in adulthood. Jesus asks a lot of us. But becoming a child of God should not be cheap. We need to be leaders, we need to be humble (egos are not welcome here), and we need to fight for peace.
Who do we need to fight for peace? Well, often ourselves. Jesus said that whoever wants to be His disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow Him. “For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it.” (Matthew 16:25-25). It’s tough to deny your own ego. It’s tough to trust someone else (God) to stand up for you when you feel vulnerable. But the freedom that comes is so worth it. Now this is where it gets crazy. This is where Jesus really revolutionizes things, and shows that He is unlike any teacher the world has ever seen. He says, “You have heard that it was said, “Eye for eye and tooth for tooth.” But I tell you not to resist and evil person. If someone slaps you on your right cheek, turn to him the other also…You have heard that it was said, “Love your neighbor” and “Hate your enemy.” But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven.” (Matthew 5:38-48).
That’s right. Regardless of treatment, we have to rise above. It is our inheritance. We get to be children of God! But we are not left without protection. God Himself is our protector (Psalms 28:7). And doesn’t He do a much better job defending us than we ever could? I would rather rest in the shelter of His wings than fight my way through life.
New Testament Tips
Just as the Law and Prophets can be summed up in “loving God and loving people,” the New Testament follows suite. James gives an awesome piece of advice, “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.” (James 1:19). Slowing down and listening can repair so many situations. Anger may come…but it doesn’t mean that we have to sin. Paul advises that we “do not let the sun go down when you are still angry.” (Ephesians 4:26-27). While many argue that they may need the night to cool down, there is wisdom in not allowing conflicts to brew and fester over long periods. If you find yourself ruminating with negative thoughts toward someone, reach out to the Lord for peace. Your inheritance is not bitterness and anger.
Paul further instructs in Romans: “Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. On the contrary: “if you enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” (Romans 12:17-21). That’s right, live at peace with everyone. Even that guy that stole credit for your idea. Or the lady that keeps making comments about your weight. Oh yeah, even them. It counts the most when we love those people (Matthew 5:46). Let it go, and put it in God’s hands. He’s got this, so you don’t have to.
I hope you enjoyed reading a little about what the Bible says about offense. If you ever want a good list of verses to memorize or tape to your bathroom mirror, check out Daily Affirmations (Using Bible Verses) and More Daily Affirmations (Using Bible Verses). You’ll find verses used above for offense, as well as others that encourage the soul in forgiveness, healing, confidence, joy, and more! Let’s really meditate on the Word this year.
